At Least, By Your Side, I
by An Ordinary Riceball
Summary: He had expected her to leave him just as everyone else would have, but, when she didn't, it was then that he realized the impact they both truly had on each other. Despite what he had done, Momoi had always been there to try and pick up the pieces no matter what the damage. It was then that he realized he didn't know why anyone even cared about someone like him. Self-harm.1stKnB FF


_**Story: At** **Least, By Your Side, I**_

 _ **Summary: He had likely expected her to leave him just as everyone else probably would have, but, when she didn't, it was then that he realized the impact they both truly had on each other. He knew he'd likely only ever hurt her, but, regardless of all things considered, Momoi had always been there to try and pick up the pieces no matter what the damage. It was then that he realized he didn't know why someone could actually even care about someone like him.**_

 _ **Disclaimer: I don't own Kuroko no Basuke/KnB**_

 _ **Please note: I only recently got into this series, and I have a tendancy to not remember what certain characters call other characters, so please be nice, but don't hesitate to correct me if I'm wrong.**_

* * *

 _Guilt_. It really was a horrible as hell experience one of the first times you truly go through it, isn't it...?

"Ah, I...! _Sumimasen_ , Ao..."

 _Ah, man why'd it have to happen this way...?_

 _Why did she, of all people, have to... see me like this...?_

"O-oi..., 'ats wrong? Why're you here...?"

 _Damn it..._

He hadn't intended for Momoi to see him on the floor in a pile of his own blood like this. He hadn't intended to take out the razor again. He hadn't intended to somehow get addicted to self-harming, which he'd once thought to be a absolute sign of some stupid weakness. But, somehow or another, somewhere down the line, he _had_.

He had somehow fallen a victom both a dark and tabooed habit, knowing everything bad that was possible would likely come of it, yet he couldn't seem to just break it. He hated it, but he had went and started cutting yet again. One little thing, and something so ridiculous, had set him off just like that. A single teammate's innocent comment had stung so bad that, _ha_ , it was almost funny in a way.

And, no matter what he had wanted, he _had_ pulled out the damned razor yet _again_ , he _had_ cut himself up far too much _again_ , she _had_ just happened to stumble into the bathroom when he did and she _had_ seen it, even though it was something, in all honesty he had tried to _prevent_ her from seeing. Part of him had subconsciously wanted to curse the lose screw on that door, but, seeing her face as it was, he knew it was all his fault.

He had nearly forgotten about what had even led up to this, and the only thing he truly knew anymore was the emotions swarming through his chest right now.

 _Guilt. So much guilt._

 _Hurt. Why was it even hurting so bad?_

 _Fear. Why was he feeling so anxious?_

 _Resentment. For himself? For the scars? For the blade? For the retched habit? For... Momoi catching him? For life and everything in general? For all of it? He couldn't tell._

 _Self-loathing... Everything he was always doing... The way he had acted towards people and himself... It was... horrible. So many things were wrong with his mind he'd actually lost count._

At that moment, everything was miserable to him.

And he didn't know what to _think_.

"I..." she mumbled, obviously not sure what to say. She was barely keeping her grounds to stay calm. The teen had never been exposed to such a terrible thing before. She had looked up to him because she had never seen such a weak side of him before.

She had only ever seen his strong, unmoving, and unwavering, side. She had never probably once seen or even suspected how screwed up he probably was. He had never understood why she still insisted to stick by him. Despite some of the awful things he had said to her before, she had always came back. He didn't get it. They weren't romantically attracted, and that much was obvious, so why? Why did she think so high of him?

Being frustrated and angry was one thing, but bringing everyone else down with you was a totally different matter all together. Any person, like himself, who did were total scum, as far as he was concerned.

The fact of how she had still stayed with him all that time was practically beyond him. Hell, he'd even say it hurt to watch her do so, at the very least.

At this point, however, he had likely expected her to finally leave his side for good at seeing how weak he really was. To be honest, it would have hurt, but at least he wouldn't have to be the cause of her pain anymore.

But, much to his surprise, she didn't. Instead, she briefly ran off to grab a first aid kit, before coming back and sitting in front of him. She was silent for a moment, as they studied each other's expressions.

He opened his mouth to speak, but then she quickly spoke before he could get in a word in edgewise.

"I hope you know I'm gonna bandage your wounds no matter what you may have to say." She told him, startling him, before he looked away, not wanting to face her anymore.

"...Fine, whatever... Knock yourself out, _literally_." He slightly grumbled, unable to find the physical, or _mental_ , strength to argue with her.

"...Why do you always try to act so tough? It hurts those around you. You do know that, right?" She told him, dampening a paper towel, before sopping up the majority of the blood.

The razor blade had been abandoned beside him, as seemingly unphased, he watched her then grab some alcohol pads from the box

"Ah...? Who knows...? Why do you stay around if you know that, and you only ever get hurt?" He finally questioned in response to the pink haired teen's question.

"Because I care. I'm not heartless..." she muttered simply, not wanting to talk much.

"Ah, 's that so...? You're a total fucking idiot, damn it..." even now he couldn't stop her from caring and risking to let him hurt her yet again.

Ugly tears _almost_ welled up in his eyes at thought.

"Besides, I already know you aren't as heartless as what you let on at times, either. This may sting some..." she warned him. He didn't fully take in her warning until the alcohol pad touched an especially sensitive wound, and he jumped.

"Shit! That hurt like hell! What was that, you...?!" He demanded, pulling away and glaring at the bloodied wipe.

"I just told you it might sting! It's alchohol." She exclaimed.

"Oh... Of course..." he slurred, in realization, leaning back against the wall again, in more of a relaxed position than before.

"Beside of that... These are deep cuts. Naturally, they're going to hurt."

"Yeah... Whatever. They aren't that deep. I've went deeper before, so just hurry it up and finish bandaging them, big tits... Actually, I don't care if I you finish it or not. Why're you here, anyway?"

"Tetsu... was worried." She mumbled, now picking out a gauze wrap from the first aid kit.

"T-Tetsu was...? No way, he-"

"He's here, you know...?"

His eyes widened as she told him that. Kuroko was... _where_?

"You brought him here?! Why would you do that?! Where is he?" He couldn't believe this. No, he could, but why would Tetsuya be worried about someone like him? They had never been able to get along together on anything but basketball before, right?

And they weren't even teammates anymore, so why...?

From the time he had known Tetsu, he already knew he wouldn't probably be worried, per se, but... he couldn't place what Tetsuya's motivation for 'checking on him' would even be called to begin with, so he decided to just dismiss the thought all together.

"He's outside. Believe it or not, he insisted to come with me. Tetsu-chan(?) can be really persistent at times, but he seems to understand all of the Generation of Miracles well."

"...I've never really understood Tetsu all that well, but I'd have to say you're right..." It was true, Aomine had to admit, that Kuroko was extremely perceptive of people, just like Akashi had always been, and was practically able to read people like a book at times.

"...Satsuki..., Thanks... For being here." he then muttered beneath his breath, only half-hoping she had heard him due to his own sense of pride.

After she had finished wrapping his arm in the gauze, he started to get up, but, before he could, she surprised him by suddenly tightly hugging him. Only then had she allowed herself to break down, tears racking her body.

"Hey, I'm okay, now." Great, was she trying to make him feel bad? She certainly was succeeding at it.

"Look, you don't have to-" he tried to say, but it was at that moment that he noticed it; that he acknowledged the painful lump that had always been there in his throat ever since he could remember.

"Never again..." she choked.

"...Hm?" He grunted in question, as hot clear liquid was sticking to his eyelashes. He had to hold it in, especially in front of her, who had been there all too much for him. He refused to drag her down anymore than what he just had.

"Please... never... do this again."

"I... can't stop. Sorry, I'd only feel more guilty if I told you would. I'm not gonna lie about something like that." He knew he couldn't stop, no matter what anybody did, so why even bother lying and saying he would? It would only make him feel more guilty for getting her hopes up, before finding out he hadn't changed at all. He wasn't a hero to sacrifice being content for another person. He was selfish like that.

"I know. I want to be with you when you're hurting. I want to try to dull your pain even a little. I want you to talk about your feelings more. You may think that breaking some kind of stupid promise would hurt me more than seeing this, but you're so wrong...! From now on, Daiki Aomine, for every cut you give yourself, I, satsuki Momoi, will give myself one of equal standards."

"Wait, Momoi, I... You're insane! Why would you do something like that?!"

"Why would you?!"

"I-I... It's hard to explain. I'm not good with talking about or dealing with or even understanding my feelings. That's why I...! I don't get it, either, okay? I don't like it at all, but I-"

"The pain from the blade; it's the only thing you _do_ understand, right?" Momoi finished his sentence, allowing him to finally fall apart. Tears whelled up once again and finally spilled from his eyes, and they just wouldn't stop falling. He couldn't even fully understand why he was crying, but burying his face on her shoulder he no longer even _cared_ to stop at the slightest. He hated breaking down in front of girls and females like this, but he needed to get it out, had to get it out, and had always wanted to get it out, down deep, but he just hadn't known how to before.

Well, at the very least, by her side, he didn't have to act the hero or even the super villian that he was not.

He was just a normal person, where it really counted, who had been hurt and shunned, yet somehow admired and respected at the same time, just like many others. He just dealt with things differently.

And he supposed, for the time being, he was actually fine with that, after all.

 _'Domou... arigatou...'_

 _~ End of Chapter_

* * *

 _ **A/N: Aww poor Kuroko is still waiting for them... Please give me your thoughts, please? Tell me what you think. I really did try to keep this is character. I never shipped these two, but I do see their relationship being exactly like a mix between that of siblings, and an inseperable companionship of sorts, unless I'm somehow mistaken.**_


End file.
